Change of Mooditude

So I am very much aware that I need a change in mood. To say that I need to change my attitude just seems a little unfair. That seems to place all the blame on me -- that is the blame for my lack of cheerfulness. A change in mood seems to indicate exterior factors, a need for a change in environment or setting.

Let's talk about the environment in which I find myself.

(In order to create a change in my mooditude, I will first tell you what I hate about my situation, and then I will bravely search for 10 things to be cheerful about.)

1) I don't fit in my own skin!
Have you ever worn a pair of jeans that really just didn't fit anymore, but you were in denial so you wore them anyway? And then by the end of the day, the seams at the waistband had made such an indent in your sides that you thought perhaps you may have actually been cutting off circulation?

That's where I'm at with my skin. The major issue here is that I can't just take it off at the end of the day.


2) There is a little person who's bum is in my ribcage!
Now there are lots of good places for a little bum. On a lap, on a blanket, even up in the air. But, it is simply rude to think that it is okay to plant your hiney in my ribcage. The ribcage is the home for the oh so important breathing apparatuses known as my lungs. Now if these lungs were there for decoration, if they were simply an air filled cushion that performed no vital function, I'd say SURE! Park your tushy right on down. But the thing is that I use (or used) them to breathe!


3) I am apparently going to give birth to Gigantor, son of elephant man!
Knowing that this "little" one has his rump parked in my ribcage, you might assume that he has not yet "dropped." This is entirely untrue. While I have a tush in my ribs, I also have a head in my pelvis. How is this possible? There can only be one answer and that is that I am giving birth to the world's longest baby.


4) I have officially outgrown my maternity clothes!
I had Dallin a month early so I never got to be this big with him, and Daniel was a beautifully average sized child (unlike Gigantor) so it wasn't really an issue then either. But I no longer fit in my fat clothes. This is not an issue of poundage, nor is this an issue of size, but, in fact, this is an issue of not finding anything in my closet to wear. Most of my tops no longer fit over my huge belly, and my pants won't stay up. Now, plumber-bum may have been adorable on the Coppertone baby, but not so much on me.


5) I have completely lost my ability to bend!
The boys seem to be making more messes than usual. (Probably because I am not the best at chaperoning from the couch.) This, and my inability to take my hands past my knees, combine to force me to use my toes to clean up all messes. I've been able to pick up everything from dirty socks and jammies to hot wheels and toy trains. However, the messes are getting messier and I just can't figure out how you clean up an entire bowl of milk and Cheerios off the kitchen floor with just your toes. Any pointers?

6) Gigantor seems to be in training for the world kickboxing championships!
It's not enough to swing from my ribs and plant his head on my pelvic bone. No! We must use great force to let mommy know that his one bedroom studio apartment is just not big enough. Don't stand too close to me folks, you just might get kicked.

7) My spine looks like an upside-down question mark!
These too have their place. I believe the place is somewhere in the land of Spanish grammar. The weight of carrying around a giant has pulled my spine so far forward that I no longer recognize it as mine. The compression of the disks in my back are sure to give that rookie anesthesiologist at the hospital a run for his money. Won't that be a pleasant adventure -- getting stabbed in the back by a 12" needle multiple times before I'm numb from the neck down.


8) My husband still finds me sexy!
Now perhaps I should list this under the cheerful ten, but holy cow! How is it possible that the crooked back, the plumber bum, and the alien movements from my belly have not completely doused the flames of passion? I am feeling far from attractive right now and he still manages to look at me with those eyes that say, "It's Business Time!"

Click on this link for a definition of Business Time:



9) I have been in labor for 2 months!
That's 8 weeks, and that's way too much. I have pre-term labor every night! I wake up every morning having the occasional contraction and by 7pm they're usually 3 to 5 minutes apart and the pain is enough to warrant 3 epidurals. NO these are not Braxton Hicks or "practice contractions." These are the real thing. The only reason that they don't progress into delivery is because my pelvic bones won't allow the baby through to push on my cervix and cause it to thin and efface. When I can't stand the pain anymore, I take a magic little pill that helps me pass out and we begin the process again the next day. Are you kidding me!!!! My mother was in the labor with me for 4 hours. How is it that I should be in labor for 12 weeks? Unless my water breaks, I will have to keep this up until my scheduled c-section at 39 weeks. (July 22nd) Oh, the horror!

10) The end to this suffering involves a scalpel, blood loss, sleep deprivation, and engorgement!
Imagine how bad it must be that I am looking forward to such an end. It's just not pretty.

Okay, so the bad news is that I have a doctor's appointment in an hour and I have neither taken a shower, nor found something that doesn't fit to wear to my appointment. I will have to return later with my list of 10 things to be cheerful about. I promise to get right back here asap. Thanks for your patience.

As promised, I have returned to tell you how this environment has given me much to be joyful about.
(Please acknowledge that whining comes naturally and that this part of the post will be difficult for me.)


1) The end result is actually worth it!
What amazes me, is that I am sure to look back at the suffering, with an infant in my arms, and realize that it was all worth it.


2) My friends are friggin' amazing!
The tremendous physical struggles of this pregnancy made me accept help from friends. This is not something that I do easily. It almost killed me to let someone else fold my laundry, and I thought I'd never survive watching someone scrub my toilet. But, so many of you brought meals, cleaned my bathrooms, and knew just when to call with words of encouragement. The example set by my friends has made me more aware of others' needs and helped me to recognize those whom I can serve.


3) My hubby has totally stepped up to the plate!
James gets up at crazy hours when Dallin wakes up afraid of the thunder, he jumps out of bed in the morning, and has both boys munching on breakfast and the trash taken out before I even think about lifting my head from the pillow. This is purely the result of a terribly taxing pregnancy. It has trained him well.


4) I have come to appreciate the simple joys of being able to clean my own house!
House work is never something I look forward too. But, not being able to maintain an acceptable level of cleanliness really stinks.


5) My family has a new appreciation for me!
When mom is suddenly removed from her ability to just maintain the house, it becomes very clear to others what a difference she was making in the first place. Suddenly, there is toothpaste buildup on the bathroom mirror, mounds of dirty dishes, an abundance of crumbs on the kitchen floor, and clutter everywhere.


6) I didn't die!
I have almost seen the light. You know the light they speak of when your spirit readies to leave its body? There have been moments when I thought that time was surely at hand. There have even been times when I prayed to leave this mortal realm. But, I'm still here, and I have almost endured to the end of this pregnancy. So, if none of these trials have killed me, and thus made me stronger, I'm pretty sure that I'm ready to take on the Incredible Hulk, Captain America, and Rocky 1 through 5.


7) I've learned to hit my knees!
It is a shame that it takes 6 months of vomiting and 2 months of labor to bring me to my knees. But, I have been truly humbled by this experience. I have found so much comfort in prayer. I have seen my prayers answered by the angels around me and not a day goes by that I'm not in touch with my Heavenly Father.


8) I have prayerfully discovered that we will be the Burneson Five!
This pregnancy has proved to me that its not a good idea for us to have the dozen kids that I wanted. Apparently, there are only 3 little boys meant for our mini-van. It was hard for me to give up the thought of a big family. But now that I've submitted my will, I've found much joy. It is so cool to know that when this one outgrows his jammies, I can get rid of them. I currently have 6 storage bins in my garage just filled with boy clothes. When this one is done with the swing, the high chair, and the infant carrier, I will be able to rid my house of these bulky items and find room for things like scrapbook supplies and a sewing machine.


9) My husband still thinks I'm beautiful!
James has proven his ability to say the most charming thing time and again. I think I may finally believe him when he says that no matter what I'm still beautiful to him. He constantly lifts me up and cheers me on. He thanks me for my efforts on behalf of our family, and when I feel absolutely useless, he tells me what a great job I'm doing. He reminds me to square my shoulders and just stand against the storm. He is selfless and strong and so good looking too. I'm a lucky girl.


10) There is nothing more humbling, inspiring, and fulfilling than seeing the love between you and your sweetheart grow into a perfect little bundle of joy that will love you and need you and eventually spill Cheerios on your floor.