Course Corrections

I have had a life-changing experience this week - one that has shaken me to my core.

I have had experiences in my life that, no matter how unpleasant, have clearly shaped me and made me who I am today.

I am a person who knows the gospel of Jesus Christ is true, and I desire to follow his example. I am someone who understands the atonement and its daily role in my life. I am happiest when I am serving others, especially those that I love. I really, really, love to do service. While there is room for improvement, I consider myself a person with a fair amount of patience. I am a good, law-abiding citizen who gives back to her community. I read to my kids. I work to magnify my church callings. I know that I can get better at all that I do, and yet I am comfortable knowing that life is a progression.

Quite the pedestal - isn't it?

Well, Tuesday I had a visit from the humble fairy. That's the fairy that comes in the night (or day, as my case may be) and removes the pedestal beneath us without leaving a quarter. I have been shown my weaknesses, my errors, and have felt the most tremendous weight fall upon me. I have seen where I am on this progression and I have so very long to go. I feel heartache for words said, thoughts had, and action/lack of action on my part. I am sure that I have tasted only a portion of my guilt and I desire not to have a perfect knowledge of such.

Now, I write this not for anyone but myself. Primarily, I write for therapy, and I write that I might not forget what I am learning here.

It profits no one to sorrow, to remain in a state of remorse, this I know. The events that transpired are part of a plan. These things happen to given us experience and to mold us in to who we should be.

Who should we be?

We should be kind, loving, and charitable. We should be humble and teachable. We should be servants in building up the kingdom of Heaven on Earth. We should be repentant and forgiving. We should live in way that allows us to be receptive to guidance.

I have fallen short.

The good news is that there is someone who can make up the difference. The atonement can make us all whole. My faults can be forgiven, my sorrow can be lifted, and my burden can be light. I can learn from this, and find in this experience a new shape. While I would gladly erase the happenings of this past Tuesday morning, I am grateful for the jolt that put me a new path. I pray that I will never forget the lessons of this week. I am determined to do better. I would be wrong to think that I won't stumble in the future. However, each time that I fall on my face, I hope to regain my footings on a path that is more in line with my Savior.

Perhaps, if I work at it, the course corrections won't have to be quite so abrupt in the future.