Gotta Finsh This Up

So the last to go was Miss Kate.  The pics of her move have been on my desktop for ever.  DENIAL.

Kate is a happy ray of sunshine wherever she goes.  This girl never says an unkind thing.  Her example as a friend, visiting and teacher, and mom has been such a gift.  She does all that is required of her and she does it with a smile.  Kate beautifies all that is around her.  I could count on Kate to deliver tasty messages with gorgeous bows.  Her companionship and creativity was always a joy at craft night. 

Kate's leaving was especially difficult for 2 reasons.  1) She was the last to go - the block felt so empty for the rest of the summer.  2) We said a speedy goodbye before I left to run some errands, thinking that I'd have a chance at a proper farewell when I got back.  Unfortunately, we returned to an empty parking lot. 

Darren still misses Hayden.  On Sunday mornings, when we spike up is hair a bit and doll him up with a little hairspray, Darren shouts, "I look like Hayden!" 

Kate's advice and positive attitude was a great asset in helping me through the first 2 years of dental school.  Year 3 is so much better!!!  I wish the girls were here to celebrate it with me.  The afternoon ritual of bikes and sidewalk chalk seems to have left Riverisde.  Things just aren't the same.  What a blessing it was to have clicked the way we did.  The days at the pool and BBQ outback, the play dates at the park and the nights of fundue, it will all be remembered as some of the best times EVER!!!

The Great Exodus of 2011 - Part 3

On June 20th my girl Tara loaded up her moving van headed for Cape Girardeau, MO.  I spent a semester of school in Cape at SEMO and feel blessed to know that she won't be too far away.  Seriously, the girlie reunions are already in the planning.  Tara and I share a love for all things beautiful (a.k.a. Robert Downey Jr.) so I'm sure we'll be getting together in December when the new Sherlock Holmes movie comes out.

On the day Tara left, I got up early to pick up QT donuts.  It's what friends do.  Only I had a flat tire.
I was so not amused.  A flippin' tire got in the way of my neighborly kindness.  How rude.
 

The best of friends came out that day to assist in the move.  We mourned together a bit.

These guys have been some of our closest friends here.  Like family, we spent Thanksgiving together.  They helped us celebrate birthdays and brought so much priceless entertainment into our lives. 

Oh, the laughter we enjoyed with these kids!  We regularly enjoyed watching old James Bond films together.  We grilled, we played, we sewed, we even spent a night together on an island
(see Valentines Day 2010).   Seth thrilled us on a regular basis with his clever wit and wisdom.  I will never be able to watch animal planet and not think of him.

My earliest memories of Tara involve the two of us on ladders, painting scenery for a stake musical.  We shared a love for smores and silliness.  She was everything girlie and fun, from strawberry frozen yumminess to pink glitter nail polish.  My wardrobe has benefited immensely as a result of her hand-me-downs.  If you see me wearing something cute, it likely came from Tara.  Seeing Tara go was like letting go of a sister.

Darren's face in this picture pretty much says it all.  The good news is I know where to find Tara and I think she's ok with me stalking her a bit. 

The Great Exodus of 2011 - Part 2

We have been fortunate to establish our little corner of the neighborhood as a gathering place for friends.  We regularly get together on three-day-weekends for grilling burgers and dogs and enjoying the potluck of sides, salads, and dessert.  The food is always stellar and the company is sublime.

The big maple tree out back provides lots of shade for the adults while the little ones enjoy the kiddie pool.  This year's Memorial Day celebration was our biggest celebration yet.  Everyone came out to bid farewell to friends one last time.

Heidi and Kyle McClintock (pictured on the right) would load up their van the following day also headed for St. Louis.

Heidi has been the unofficial leader of the pack.  She is the organizer of all things fun.  Heidi heads up Park Day for all the moms, and I'm pretty sure she's thrown a dozen baby showers.  She is so loving and selfless, always thinking of others and serving those around her.  I will remember Heidi and the hours spent chatting poolside at Dagg Park.
 

I will cherish all the great conversations that we had as the kids rode bikes up and down the block.  I will value most her loving example.  Heidi could talk to anyone.  She was a brilliant conversationalist, always including everyone in the group.

My kids adored Luke, Chloe, and Rhett.  Chloe and Darren, born just days apart, have the funniest love/hate relationship.  Oh how they love to pound on each other!  Still, Darren would shout with joy when we saw Chloe playing across the street.

 Even weeks later, my kids are still asking if Luke and Chloe can come out to play.  It feels empty here without them, and Park Day will never be the same without our fearless leader.

Before the McClintocks left.  I ran up the road and left them one last chalk drawing (I'm sort of famous for those around here.)  Heidi was so busy waving one last goodbye as she pulled out, I'm not sure that she even got to see it.

The Great Exodus of 2011 - Part 1

I have not been blogging in quite some time, but with good reason.  The end of school was extremely busy, and the second it was over we headed to St. Louis for a week of fun with the kiddos.  I have so many pics to share and much to blog about.  However, I must first talk about the mass exodus.  Truly most of time lately has been spent soaking up every last minute that I could with my dear neighbors before they move.

Living in a community rich with medical and dental students, it is standard practice in June that when rotations are through, residencies are over, and programs are completed, these amazing neighbors move on to the their next adventure.  It is always difficult saying goodbye to such wonderful people.  I am usually comforted by those that remain and by the pleasant idea that I'm dotting the nation with friends.  In fact by the time we finish dental school we should be able to travel all over the country and never need a hotel.  We've likely got a friend to bunk with in almost every state. 

This year however, was a little different.  So many long time friends, the closest of friends, are saying farewell.  I have learned so much from each of them.  Letting them go is really difficult.  There are truly pieces missing.

The first to go were Ali Shepherd her husband Josh and their little ones, Conrad, Amelia, and Ruby.  I was Ali's visiting teacher 4 years ago when she just moved here.  We became fast friends.  I remember the quick telephone calls that ended up lasting hours.  I remember the ward Christmas party where we both shared that we were expecting, and I remember celebrating Amelia's arrival by dropping off a small birthday cake.  When we were blessed to move into the townhomes we became more than friends.  We became neighbors, and our kids played together so well.

On the day that the Shepherd's left, I took Conrad and Amelia to the last official Park Day before the big moves.  I was hoping to ease the burden on Ali a bit.  The kids had a fantastic time at the park which was mildly flooded.  The moment we got there, the kids scattered in different directions.  I went running after the little one and slid in the mud.  It was quite the spectacular dive which left me covered in mud.   While I was so unpleasantly distracted with my wet bum, Conrad found a lovely place to take a mud bath himself.  Some help I was!  I returned Ali's kids to her dripping in mud, covered in sand, and Josh had just finished cleaning the empty bathroom.  I am sure to be remembered by my friends for my constant grace and decorum.

Despite the mud, the Shepherd's loaded up there moving van and headed off to their new home which is (luckily for me) in St. Louis.  It was good to know that I'd be seeing them again soon.

Still, my boys will sure be missing their friends, as will I.

A Most Memorable Day

Oh, what a wonderful day it was!

I woke the boys at 6:30am this morning.  They slowly and reluctantly poured out of bed, wondering why I would insist that they get up and dressed so early.  "Today is the day we get our angel!" I proclaimed.  Daniel jumped out of bed and hurried to get dressed.  Darren heard the noise and was ready to join the action.  Dallin took his time.

We were off just after 7am, headed for the Kansas City LDS Temple site.  Today they would place the statue of the angel Moroni on top of the East spire.  Rumor had it that there would be an unveling ceremony at 10am.  I didn't want to miss a bit of the action, and I was hoping to make it past any barricades they would put up to distance the public.  By 7:30am I was parked at a little alcove on the East side of the temple.  Accompanied by both close and new friends, we watched the green tarp come off the statue.

We had at least an hour in the van with little or no action around Moroni.  I decided we'd make the most of this time together and pull out our scriptures.  We recently finished the Doctrine and Covenants and began reading the Pearl of Great Price at Daniel's request.  This morning as we awaited the rising of an angel, we poured over the second chapter of Moses.  What a fantastic thing to read at the temple!  This was the story of the creation of Earth and the heaven around it.  The boys seemed more interested than usual as we spoke of the lights in the firmament, the beasts, and the fouls.  We found ourselves really studying the verses, not just reading them.  It was a gigantically spiritual experience.  I am thankful that they were reverent enough to allow that all to happen.

The sides of the crate were soon lowered.  It was at this point that we took a stroll to get a closer look of that beautiful statue.

We were able to talk with a member of the construction crew working on the stake center.  What a nice guy!  We also spoke with a man named Rule (sp?) who is the head of operations for the temple site.  Both these men were members of the Church and it showed.  They were both so kind and courteous.  Rule politely explained that our perfect parking spot was within the liability of the construction company.  The foreman was uncomfortable with that.  The gentleman placed orange traffic cones on Searcy Creek, the main road on the west side of the temple, reserving one lane of traffic for us to park in.  We quickly moved our van to the street and were grateful to still be so close to the action.   Our dear friend Dave soon joined us as well.  We had a great view as we stood in his truck bed.  It was great to be able to see and photograph above the chain linked fence.

The statue stood still on it's side until 25 minutes after 10am when the beautiful golden image of Moroni was lifted vertically into it's place atop the Eastern spire.  It was a cloudy day with a cold breeze.  The slightest bit of sunlight peeked through as the statue was lifted, lighting it just enough to make it really stand out from the gloomy backdrop.  I was surprised how perfectly shiny and golden it was.  It was such a brilliant thing to behold. 

Watching it rise was a more powerful experience than I expected.  I kept reminding my boys that this was history in the making.  I reminded each of them what age they were the day Moroni topped the Kansas City Temple.  I think I will keep reminding them so that they'll always have this special experience in their minds.  My video recording is shaky thanks to the wind, the zoom, and the little one on my hip who was really done being cold.  Yet, I did manage to get some pretty great stills of the event.  There was a good-sized crowd in attendance and a joyous roar was heard among them as the statue met its final place atop the spire.  I am so glad to have been a part of it.

My love for this temple runs far and deep.  I have a passion for the temple because of the sacred ordinances that are performed therein.  I am grateful for the blessings of the temple that seal my family to me for eternity.  This temple makes my heart especially full as I think of the opportunity that the open house will bring.  As Mormon temples are closed to the public after dedication, many dear friends and family members have never set foot inside such a beautiful house of the Lord.  When a new temple is built, an Open House welcomes the public to tour the building and learn about what takes place within these walls.  My children who are not yet old enough to participate in temple ordinance will be able to enter the Kansas City Temple for the open house.  We will be able to show them first hand the kind of alter we kneel at, the dual mirrors that offer the image of eternity, and the Celestial room which offers an atmosphere of heaven.  I can't wait to share it!!!

I am pleased to learn that construction is ahead of schedule and that the temple may be completed as early as the end of this year.  The day will not come soon enough.

The Kids May Never Thank Me

First, an apology:  My blog has been a place I only visit lately when desperately needing to vent.  Reading the last few entries, things seem rather depressing.  My blog is very much the therapeutic leather couch upon which I work out all my troubles.  Sorry if it has been less than uplifting.

Secondly, my blog is very much a record of my mortal existence.  I hope to one day soon put together one of those beautifully designed hardback versions of my blog in print for my posterity to ponder in amazement.  I hope that it is a true encyclopedia of my life offering wisdom, laughter, and just enough insanity to make it fun.  Many important/interesting events have gone undocumented, including birthdays, a creative valentine's day scavenger hunt, visits to the temple site, and much more.  However, this last week needs to be discussed so that someday my kids will know that I tried to be a great mom.

Our school district chose to give us a Monday and Tuesday off following a Friday's teacher workday as Spring Break this year.  James was allowed a week off school for a Spring break that began that same Monday.  I felt it was more valuable for my kids to enjoy those days with their dad than it was for them to attend class those days.  We visited the zoo in St. Louis on Wednesday.  The boys bonded over movie nights, staying up late sharing bowls of popcorn.  A short hike through a nature reserve was an important part of the week as well.  The time spent riding bikes, going to the theater, shopping, and baking together was invaluable.  The week was delightfully full of quality family time.

My boys returned to school yesterday to find a sea of worksheets at their desks.  They each had more worksheets than a kid could do in a day.  Daniel's teacher expects it all done right away.  Tonight, instead of enjoying the beautiful weather, I tried to entertain my toddler while assisting the other two with their overwhelming loads of busy work.  Oh, how I wish the school could see that my children's time with us was so much more valuable than a few word problems and some practice rhyming.  Could we just drop the worksheets and move on?  If their work was part of a unit, I would understand.  If any of it was a precursor or stepping stone for something they would work on next, I would understand.  But this was just busy work.  An insane amount of busy work.

To top it all off, the school tried to insure families would not take additional time off by holding class pictures during the second half of the week.  Daniel was quite troubled when he learned that he missed it.  I told him that when we see that yearbook and his presence missing from the class picture, we'll remember that we were too busy having fun, having togetherness, and having a life to be doing worksheets at school that day.

I love my dear friend Lisa who put it all into proper perspective for me.  She said, "Never let school get in the way of a good education."  Thanks, Lisa.

My kids may never thank me for keeping them out of school and creating this backlog of worksheets, but I hope they will someday appreciate that their mom thought that time spent together as a family trumps all.  I want them to remember that despite the opposition, we choose to be together, and oh what a joy it is to be together!

Gratitude

Don't you love those people who are super positive.  Those people who never say anything unkind and always have a smile on their face.  Those are the people who never complain through their trials.

I am not to be counted with such a crowd.

But tonight instead of addressing the trials that I am faced with, I think I will chose to lift myself out of it.  Do you ever have a night when the stress and strain of the day keeps you awake?  I bet that writing a list of the things that you're grateful for can help you get to sleep.

Here goes...

I am thankful for the most perfect eternal companion.  He loves me so completely, supports me, sustains me.  He is a righteous husband who is a beacon of light for our whole family.  He continually lights the way and guides us on the path we ought to be on.  He is the source of much laughter and the remedy for the dreaded trials that life throws at us.  My James says the things that should be said to a woman to make her feel like a goddess.  He also makes really good breakfast.

I am thankful for 3 little munchkins that crack me up.  There's a toddler who loves me the MOST right now and for that I am thankful.  I love that when it's nap time, he asks for a snuggle snooze.  I love the way he looks in his pea coat with his little tasseled hat.  I love the charmer that can get away with murder when he raises those eyebrows.  I am thankful for the bond that I share with my middle child as an overly emotional person with a tremendous capacity to love.  I am thankful for my firstborn son who makes feel like I'm an ok mom.  I am thankful for all his accomplishments and his many spiritual insights.

I am thankful for my home, my family, my talents, my friends, my experiences, my recipes, my tiny ankles, my blog readers who listen to me whine, my Savior, my knowledge of the Plan of Happiness, and even my trials.

My trials have made me who I am.  I am pretty ok with who that is.  I am a little nervous about the trials ahead and how they'll shape me.  But when I think of all we've been through...I know that this next hill is just there to make me buff.  I'll try to remember that when I'm breathing heavy and I think I'm gonna die.  It's all just part of P90X for the soul.

"We're Having A Baby"

Have you ever noticed that it is completely acceptable for a man to say, "We're having a baby!"?  The man is surely not with child.  He isn't experiencing morning sickness or weight gain.  He will not be the one with feet up in stirrups after nine months of gestation.  Yet it is still perfectly acceptable for a man to say, "We're having a baby." 

I don't really have a problem with a man saying such a thing.  In fact I think it's rather cute. 

My gripe today is over the fact that the reverse is not understood.

I have a tendency to say, "We're in dental school," when describing our current station in life.  The reaction is an alarmed response.  "You're BOTH in dental school?" 

Now when a man says, "We're having a baby," people don't question if both he AND his wife are having a baby.

Those who have supported a spouse through a graduate program such as this (or any lengthy endeavor really) knows what it means to "be in dental school."  It means that our lives revolve around this tremendous thing.  While it is not central to our existence, dental school is where we're at.  It's why we live where we do, why our budget is what it is, why we see so little of each other, why we need certain medication, why we rely on our friends and neighbors for adult conversation, why our spouses are stressed out, why mommy is a nutcase, why debt is now a term to be understood with 6 digits, and why there is only 4 of us at the dinner table.  Dental school is also the reason why my husband will be able to provide a comfortable living for us, why he'll be able to support 3 boys on their missions, why he'll be able to serve those in need and make people feel better.  It's the reason we'll have a nice home someday in which to welcome friends, neighbors, and grandkids!  It is the reason why we'll be financially stable enough to serve missions for our church as a couple.  It is the reason why James will be able to travel to other countries and provide care to those less fortunate.  It is what makes us laugh, what makes us cry, what makes us stressed, what brings us possibilities.

Dental school is the gigantic all encompassing thing for US.  Not just him.  US!

I know that I am not the one headed to school at sunrise.  I do not spend hours a day in lecture halls or labs.  I won't be drilling on patients in clinic or pouring over my notes before final exams.

But I am holding down the fort.   I am making sure the bills get paid with those tiny scholarships and giant loans.  I am unloading groceries, cleaning house, dressing kids, meeting with teachers, feeding the picky eaters, wiping noses, quieting tantrums (sometimes my own), requesting flu shots, visiting doctors, researching parenting, reading studies, bathing, diapering, clothing, budgeting, cooking, entertaining, struggling, trying, and praying.  Lots of praying.

I am certainly not trying to take credit for my husband's academic achievements.  He is amazing!  He balances so much outside of dental school and still manages to be successful in a difficult program such as this.  He deserves every bit of credit.  How proud I am and how proud I'll be when he graduates with that diploma! 

I would merely like the world to understand that DENTAL SCHOOL IS SOMETHING WE ARE IN TOGETHER! 

My Thoughts Tonight

I'm feeling very uneasy tonight about my new calling.  I am to be 2nd Counselor in the Relief Society Presidency.  I will oversee Relief Society activities or "additional meetings."

My initial emotions are uneasy and a bit numb.  I set to work right after sacrament, as has been my habit for some time.  I see that I immediately search for something to busy myself with when I feel awkward or uncomfortable.  I want to be busy so I don't have to think about what worries me.

I will say that the events of today are a welcomed distraction as I pass the door of the Primary room.  Honestly, I haven't thought much about Primary at all today.  Oh how quickly we change gears!

Unable to sleep, I find myself reading the RS section of the new Handbook.  It is here that the giant responsibility that I have just accepted is explained to me in great detail.  I must help the sisters to strengthen their families, increase in personal righteousness, embody charity and help those in need.

Ok, who feels qualified enough in any of these categories to lead others on such a Christ-like path?

Not me. 

I'm struggling with all these things.  Not out of lack of desire.  I just feel under-qualified.

My role in Primary was so simple.  "Teach the Principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ."  The work to which I am now called comes with a responsibility to save souls and families.  I suddenly have a new appreciation for every RS leader that has gone before.  It is not just about logistics; making sure we have teachers, activities, and meals for the sick.  This call is overwhelming in a whole new way.  It carries the weight of some enormous responsibility.

The training section of the ward website for Relief Society states, "Faith must be nourished with great diligence and patience."  I have Faith.  Lots of it.  I know that I can help the Lord's purposes to be fulfilled even if much is unsure for me.  I trust in the Lord.  Faith has always been a principle that I understand well.  I am full of hope, often. 

I think I am fairly diligent.  There's still plenty of room for improvement here though.

It's the patience that I am truly lacking. 

Mostly, I hope that those around me will have patience as I stumble into this new calling - a glove that doesn't seem to quite fit.

Burden Lifted?

Major changes in my life lately. 

I have lost 7 pounds since I started regular visits to the gym.  I am one pound less than my pre-baby weight, which I think is pretty cool.  There are still love handles and jiggly arm fat to deal with, but at least we're headed in the right direction.

I started a new job over thanksgiving break, doing graphic design work for a screen printing company in Parkville.  The job is really fun, the boss is totally cool, and on my second day on the job he asked me to spend a couple of hours in JoAnn's (without my kids) looking for cool fabrics.  Dream come true.

The biggest change, however, has been the release from my calling as Primary President.  While I felt my days were numbered, I had no idea how difficult it would be when that day actually came.  This last week I've been a complete mess.  I just fell apart when the bishop told me a week ago Sunday.  I maintained my composure just until I got out of his office and then I just turned into a puddle.  The hallway was full of people so I quickly made my escape for the bathroom.  I'm not sure if it was the tears in my eyes or my complete dismay that landed me in the men's restroom.  Oops.  Luckily there was no one in there to greet me.  I spotted the urinal and ran out.  Is that classic or what! 

I've come to love all those kids so much.  It just made me so sad to hear that I wouldn't be spending my Sundays with them anymore.  When they sing, a spirit fills the room with a warmth that is indescribable.  They make you laugh, they make you cry, and teach you about God's love in all that they do. 

I feel like Barbara from "My Turn on Earth."  "I'm not ready...My turn can't be over yet...Have I done all I came here to do?"  While I don't know that I've done all I could, I do feel like I did an ok job of it.  A lot of people saw my emotions this Sunday and perhaps thought that I felt like I'd done something wrong.  Many people reminded me of other opportunities that I'll have to serve.  It's not that. 

My tears are because of the hole that is left when you take away something that was such a huge part of my life.  I feel like I've lost a bit of my identity.  For the last 2 1/2 years I have Emily Burneson, Primary President.  There wasn't a day that went by in that time that I didn't think about Primary.  Now in a blink it is over.  I have to walk PAST the primary room, a room that I love, and go somewhere else.

I was really embarrassed by my lack of ability to control my emotions on Sunday.  Despite how it looked, I really tried.  I especially wanted to hold it together in front of the kids.  I almost made it until Rebekah (our new and fabulous President) asked me to get into a picture with them all.  Wow did I lose it!  I was trying to stay disconnected and wrapping my arms around them made that impossible.  I sobbed like a baby.  Truthfully, I spent all of last week crying buckets.  It was hard to hide from my visiting teachers who stopped by, and from neighbors who knocked on the door.  It was hard not being able to call up and lean on my friends until my release was official.  I needed someone to help me stop being such a blubbering mess.

Luckily, I think I'm mostly done sobbing.  I had the chance to sit in a quiet house with Rebekah Saturday night and hand over my Primary binder.  It was quite the journey to look through it all with her.  That binder contained so much that is important to me.  The handbook (a source of truth and wisdom), conference talks that helped me to be a better president, yearly conference reports (a record of all we accomplished), scouting materials (a source of great frustration), and the directory of all those little ones names and birth dates.  It was good closure, to pass all that on.

Rebekah will be amazing.  She has chosen great counselors.  As she shares with me her emotions about it all, I remember those first few weeks when I was called.  I remember the fear, the feelings of inadequacy, the doubt, and challenges that lay ahead.  I also remember the miracles, and how the Lord made up for my short comings.  I remember the rush of inspiration and the weight of my call.  I remember feeling that the Lord wouldn't let me fail. 

I found the following verse last Sunday when I was looking for comfort.   

"Grace be unto you, and peace, from God our Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ.  We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers; Remembering without ceasing your work of ^afaith, and ^blabour of love, and ^cpatience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ, in the sight of God and our Father..."  Thessalonians 1:2-3

The work of sharing the gospel is great.  The experience of sharing it with these children is precious.  This work has shaped me and helped me to become more selfless, more patient, more humble (from the start), and more aware of how important teaching and living the gospel in my home is.  I learned to rely on Heavenly Father.  I learned to listen better to promptings.  I learned how to better lead, and communicate, and to love unconditionally.  Many of these principles were learned after trials and failures.  But I think it's ok to say that I figured a few things out over the last couple years.  Let's hope I don't forget it all.

Many have asked if I am enjoying the burden that has been lifted.  I haven't really felt that yet.  Mostly I'm just trying to fill the hole.  I hope the next calling comes quickly.

Just a Little Burnt Cheese

My fabulous friend Tara, the queen of all things fun, told me she had a night off work (a rare occasion) and this happy news prompted the most wonderful last minute girls night.

I made a few phone calls and sent out an Evite to all my darling girl friends, and to my surprise, they showed up by car loads.  The emails and phone calls went out just hours before this dainty shindig, so the number in attendance really floored me. 

I promised cheese and chocolate fondue, asked my girls to bring something tasty to dip and Voila! - instant party.  Tara broke in her awesome electric fondue pot (which meant melted chocolate not burnt chocolate).  I need to get me one of those, or maybe a little crock-pot for such occasions.  The Rotel dip turned out yummy too.  That is, until we got busy chatting in the other room.  The fatty goodness boiled up a storm and singed a bit on the bottom.  By that point the masses had consumed large quantities of tasty fondue, so it wasn't a big deal.

Anyway, thanks to all the girls who were willing to drop everything and inhale calories with me.  The company was fantastic and the conversation was sublime!  It was a much needed pick-me-up.  Electric paddles for my sleeping social life.  While mommy things were part of the discussion at times, I didn't feel like a MOM last night.  I felt like a girl.  A girl with a house full of awesome friends. 

I couldn't fall asleep last night.  I am sure that I was grinning from ear to ear as I dreamed up all the fun still to have.  Check your email daily friends, you never know when the next ladies night will be.

Forced to Be a Bum

I have a cold.

It is the first real cold of the season for me so I can't really complain.  I am sort of enjoying the excuse to be a bum.  The craziness of life has slowed down so I don't have anything forcing me to get off the couch.  Darren has the same cold so he's happy to lay next to me and look at picture books.  Today he asked if we could go lay down on "mommy's bed."  How cute is that!  Yes sir!  Let's do take a nap!

I feel that staying in sweat pants and sipping herb tea is the perfect start to November.  While I am sure to return to the gym, volunteer at the school, design a few logos, and perfect the primary program next week when I'm feeling better... I am happy to have a cold-induced week of relaxation for now.  I may make this a November tradition -- spending the first chili week of the year under a blanket getting nothing done.

For my neighbors who blog stalk me... I have been wearing no make-up and have completely ignored doing my hair.  Thus, you should not stop by for a visit unannounced unless you're in the mood for a good ugly scare.  It's truly frightening.  I promise.

Side Note:
Dallin started teaching Darren to sing Jingle Bells today.  The hilarious thing is that Darren now runs around the house shouting, "GooGoo Balls!  Goo Goo Balls!  GooGoo Balls! Go Away!"

Gosh I love the holidays!!!

My Thoughts on Black October

Well October has come and gone. We survived it. You don't really have the option to not survive it.

Most of the way through October I felt things were pretty in check. It seems like I was able to brace myself for how awful it would be. Thanks for all the warnings friends! (For those of you who don't know - this month of the second year program in dental school is referred to as "Black October" because there are exams almost every day and sometimes more than one in a day.)

Before October came, James would study late on Tuesday, Thursday, and every other Wednesday. James was available, sort of, every other Wednesday because he had to run cub scouts at 7pm.

That all changed at the start of October when he was released from scouts and called to be the executive secretary. The new call has been awesome for him and us. James welcomed the opportunity to get out of his spiritual slump, and while I have to get the kids ready for church by myself, the mornings are relatively peaceful (even if we don't make it there on time every week). However, the new call has opened up Wednesday nights for much needed studying and time in the lab. So, I'm forced to plow through the middle of the week without back-up. Policing the Burneson house full of rowdy boys can be quite the chore.

KCPD has a ride-along program for citizens who would like to see their tax dollars at work. Do you think I could enlist members of the community for a ride-along with me? It's sure to be an adventure every night!

I sure do miss my partner. It's been amazing; watching how he balances everything. We definitely take turns being the low one on the see-saw. It seems like one of us is usually able to keep it together and be strong while the other enjoys a meltdown. I probably do more than my share of melting, but I also do more than my share of laundry so I think it works out even.

This month presented us with some crazy challenges. I'm just so grateful for the superhero that is my husband. I'm thankful for all the laughter and silliness that he brings into our home. I am puzzled sometimes at his methods but appreciate all that he sacrifices for me. I love that he understands that the best foreplay is a clean house. I love that he loves my chili and sneaks my cookie dough when he thinks I'm not looking. I love that He makes me feel pretty when I'm wearing his t-shirt and my jammy pants, with a ponytail on top of my head and no make-up. I love that he cherishes date night. I love that he makes up silly songs for me that sometimes kind-of rhyme. I love that he's a hard worker and values his family above all else.

He's going to make an awesome dentist someday. I look forward to not having to schedule an appointment to see him.

Only 6 1/2 weeks left in this semester. We got this licked, baby!

Bruno

Found this one on VH1 while at the gym. Loved it!

Time to Vent - CAUTION: whining ahead

It is officially one month into 2nd year and I officially do not like it.  I am remarkably cranky today and since I don't have a husband to talk to anymore, you get to hear all about it.

For the record, my husband is amazing.  He accomplishes so much on so little sleep, he tries hard to please his loony wife, and he is flippin' awesome at everything that he sets his mind to.  James has always been obscenely optimistic, lighthearted, and jolly.  He is a constant source of laughter and silliness in our home.  He doesn't usually let things bother him, he forgives so quickly, and apologizes even more quickly.

Dental school has brought us a new version of James.  The dude is a stress monkey.  He is frustrated with his teachers (who don't know how to speak properly), he is less confident than usual (thanks to impossible tests), and his eyebrows are furrowed a great deal of the time.

Now it would take much less stress to make me permanently cranky.  Lately, my patience seems to be lost before breakfast.  Darren is officially 2 years-old.  Darren's version of 2 is a kid who wants to be held all the time, wants to be outside anytime he is not being held, and can undo any form of cleanliness faster than I can spell cheese.  This makes for a very messy Burneson house.

A friend gave James & I some advice at our wedding.  She said, "There is less tension is a clean house."  How very true that is!  Let's just say things here are tense.

I find myself rather emotional lately.  I am struggling with my own feelings of inadequacy.  I wish I was a better homemaker, a better mom, a better teacher, a better Primary President, a better athlete (I use that term loosely - meaning I just wish I could rock it at the gym like the rest of you girls), a better dietitian, a better decorator, and a better dresser (meaning fashion not furniture).   While I wholly embrace all that is mommyhood, I would really like to look physically less like a mom.  I don't mind the diaper bag, the zoo train of kids at the supermarket, or the fat minivan that I drive.  I do mind the love handles, the stringy hair, and the lack of nice clothes and good accessories.

I realize how worldly I sound right now.  But I'm working on balance.  How do you find balance between taking care of yourself, presenting a respectable version of yourself, and the vanity that makes you think you need better earrings, new shoes, and new lip gloss?

The masses in Kansas City are reproducing.  4 women on my block alone are expecting.  It is making me crazy jealous!  I wanted more than 3 kids.  I still do.  But thanks to the life sucking disease known as hyperemesis - pregnancy is no longer an option for us.  I am left feeling frustrated at news that should bring joy.  I adore all my pregnant friends and hope they don't mind my comments here.  I envy you girls.

So as you can see, I am a bit of puddle right now and we're only 1 month in to the most challenging year of our lives thus far.  My super hero husband has been transformed (not unlike Spiderman in his new dark suit).  I am a bit overwhelmed, and little things seem gigantic.

For now I'm going to be okay with not moving forward.  Instead, I will pray that I can do as Elder Holland suggests, which is to plant my feet and just stand against this storm.  Sometimes enduring takes an awful lot of work. 

Just 227 days until the end of second year.  Can she make it?  Perhaps with the comfort only a carton of Bryers and a very large spoon can bring.

P.S. For the record I DO think that my hero in his dark suit is still very attractive!  Love ya babe!